Hear me out.
I am sure you are thinking she isn’t even in a long-term relationship so how does she know. Well, my Mum and Dad were together for 50 years, until Dad died. Then I have a good number of female friends. Very close female friends actually; that have done it and are still doing it. As we all know, if you are in a long term committed relationship it’s a work in progress. And I have noticed some correlations between living alcohol free and maintaining a relationship.
When you are in a long-term relationship with someone, you don’t give up on them. Well you might feel like it, you might have down time. But you love them, so you understand, life isn’t always simple and straight forward and people definitely aren’t. You practice patience, commitment and understanding.
You take the rough with the smooth. You know it isn’t always going to be moonlight, roses and hot sex (well it might be for some, of which I am very happy for you). You know that you are going to have periods in your relationship where quite frankly you just don’t get on. It’s like you are speaking a different language, you go with it, knowing it will pass.
You play the long game, you know the more effort, time and love you put in, the more rewards you will reap.
Also, after a certain period of time. It’s like, you know what, I have put so much time and effort into this, I am not giving up or going back now, this is it, we are in it, for better or for worse.
Now think about this in the context of changing your relationship with alcohol.
I have said it like this because for me and a large majority of the people I have worked with, it’s about this. It’s about a mindset. It’s about changing your life for the better not about counting days and white knuckling it. I am not saying don’t count days, I am just saying think about it differently. You don’t count the days in your relationship, because it’s a lifestyle choice, a mindset. It’s big and it’s long term. It’s about your life now and in the future, not just counting days.
The work I do with people is about changing their relationship with alcohol, now that might mean: reducing, taking a break, stopping altogether or it might mean having an occasional drink. What’s most important is it’s not an issue for you and your life. Get it? It’s a mindset shift, you are enjoying your life and alcohol isn’t even an issue anymore.
So, try this, when you want to make changes with your drinking, don’t give up on you. You might feel like it, that’s ok. Take breaks, have down time, relax, you don’t have to work on yourself all the time, in fact I highly recommend you don’t. You get it, you love yourself, so you understand it’s a journey. You know you will get there.
You know you are going to have good days and bad days, that’s life, it doesn’t have to mean anything. You know that life ebbs and flows and has a rhythm. You are ok with this and know it will pass.
You are playing the long game, this is about you, your life, your long-term health and happiness. You know that the more time, effort, love you put in, you will reap the rewards.
Also, after a certain period its like “you know what, I have put so much time and effort into this, I am not giving up or going back now, this is it, we are in it, for better or for worse”. (See the similarities?!) Healthy and happy.
Remember, if you fall, get back up. There’s always tomorrow.
For more tips, motivation and practical advice check out my book There is No Magic Button its also available as a free download on my website.